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Flirting in Traffic Contest, Week Four: Rebound Relationships, Trouble or Truth?
Saturday, February 28th, 2009

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Hi all! Flirting in Traffic my Cerridwen press novel finally comes out next Thursday! So I’m giving away two free downloads of FLIRTING next Wednesday 3/4 to two commenters on my blog. The book will be for sale the following day, March 5, in e-book format: http://www.jasminejade.com/ps-6982-47-flirting-in-traffic.aspx

Flirting in Traffic features what most of us would call a ‘rebound relaltionship.’ You’ve probably heard it before: A rebound relationship will never work. The familiar wisdom preaches that “you’re just acting out all of your feelings in regard to a relationship failing–or possibly shoring up a wounded self esteem with another person.”

What do you think about love on the “rebound?”

As someone who regularly deals with people and emotional issues, I do believe there’s good reason for the standard wisdom. Caution is required when the heart is so vulnerable. However, I also believe that all is fair in the game of love and war. So much depends on the people involved, their maturity, and emotional readiness for an intimate relationship.

Sometimes–just like in Flirting in Traffic’s Esa’s and Finn’s case–the rebound relationship is the real one.

Natasha Holt reported in her article I’m a Boomerang Bride several instances of fated rebound relationships. Ms. Holt describes one story as follows. “Nia and her boyfriend Simon described their relationship as ‘comfortable’ but sadly, at just 23, the spark had gone, so when Nia contemplated their future together, she realised she needed more. Nia made the difficult decision to break up with Simon. Then, just three months after the split, she met Steve, 30. Within 18 months they were married and had a baby boy. Fast work.”

According to psychologist Professor Alex Gardner, boomerang marriages do have a genuine chance of success.

“As long as you’re willing to take the lessons you learnt from your past relationship into your next one, and be honest with yourself about what went wrong, you have a real chance of making it work,” says Professor Gardner. “People can know very quickly if someone is right for them. If it feels right, it probably is.”

What are your thoughts on the thrills and fears associated with rebound romances? After reading Flirting in Traffic I hope you’ll at least consider the possibilities. 🙂

27 comments to “Flirting in Traffic Contest, Week Four: Rebound Relationships, Trouble or Truth?”

  1. Val Pearson
    Comment
    1
      · February 28th, 2009 at 7:56 pm · Link

    Wow excellent topic today. I have been in the rebound relationship sooooo many times and you know where I ended up? Back at square one with my first husband. How crazy is that?



  2. Beth Kery
    Comment
    2
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:08 pm · Link

    Wow, Val! That’s amazing. And so…are you currently a believer that the ‘rebound’ relationship can work? If so, why did it work this time around?

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by. 🙂



  3. Fedora
    Comment
    3
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:14 pm · Link

    Hmm… I don’t think I’ve much personal experience to draw from, but I would think that sometimes, the rebound is going to stick and work and be a keeper. It may not work best for everyone, but there will be some couples who meet “on the rebound” who are at just the right point in life for one another, and that’s all that matters for them, right? I would agree that a rebound will work if you’re coming with more openness and less baggage, but that would be true for a non-rebound relationship, too…



  4. Val Pearson
    Comment
    4
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:15 pm · Link

    Ok, my husband was very immature, drank and all that when we parted ways the first time, and the one thing he told me was “no man will ever want you with three children with another man” …. ok 1. Don’t tell me I can’t do something because regardless of the consequences I will show you I can. 2. Shut up! So I rebounded into two other long term relationships one with a man with 3 children and then one with 5 children. (yes, we were definately eight is enough) In the end, my husband I and I got back together. I said all that to say this: I think if its for all the WRONG reasons, a rebound relationship is doomed from the beginning. When I stopped trying to do the opposite of what he said, I found out that myself is a cool person. I have nothing to prove to him or anyone else. If I could have just learned that in the beginning! lol



  5. Beth Kery
    Comment
    5
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:21 pm · Link

    Fedora–really good points. Every couple is different and unique. Like with all ‘conventional wisdom’ I like to consider why the belief has stood the test of time–there’s got to be some reason behind it–but also the possibilities for variations in the standard theme. Thanks for stopping by, Fedora!

    Val–Yeah! The most important thing is for you to feel great about yourself, right? If you can’t make yourself happy, the relationship isn’t going to get you there, either. Thanks for telling your story!



  6. Val Pearson
    Comment
    6
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:25 pm · Link

    Not a problem, I love your blog and come here all the time. Woot woot to you!



  7. Danielle D
    Comment
    7
      · February 28th, 2009 at 8:42 pm · Link

    I think (heck I know) I was a rebound girl and my marriage is working for me….but then my hubby and I dated years ago and got back together after his marriage broke up. He in fact he married on the rebound after we broke up.



  8. Lynda
    Comment
    8
      · February 28th, 2009 at 10:33 pm · Link

    I think it depends on your reasons for going into the rebound relationship. If you’re in the new relationship because of the last relationship, it’s probably doomed to fail. By that I mean, if you’re in it to prove you can find someone, forget it.

    On the other hand, if you’re in the new relationship because you realized why the last one failed and you aren’t making the same mistakes, you have a chance.

    I met my husband after a hiatus from men. My best friend and I had messy breakups at the same time and decided men weren’t worth the trouble. We made a pact to not get involved for a set period of time.



  9. beth kery
    Comment
    9
      · March 1st, 2009 at 5:25 am · Link

    Val–Thanks so much, Val!

    Danielle–see, your story is what I mean when they say all is fair in love and war. The human heart is a mystery as it is, but add in the extra variable of how time changes it, and who knows what can happen between two people. 🙂 No wonder romance writers have so much to write about! Thanks for stopping by.

    Lynda–I agree on all points. We have all seen the reason the aphorism is true. 🙂 But yeah, sometimes that other relationship was a learning experience. Sounds like the ‘time off’ was a learning experience for you.



  10. Lea
    Comment
    10
      · March 1st, 2009 at 8:33 am · Link

    Good Morning Beth!

    This is such an interesting topic for a post. I find Professor Gardner’s comments very interesting because I actually would have thought the opposite to his conclusions to be true.

    Having comforted a couple of friends over the years who were involved in “rebound relationships”, which did not end happily it’s nice to know that, “boomerang marriages do have a genuine chance of success”.

    I will look forward to reading, “Flirting In Traffic”, even more now and will “consider the possibilities”.

    Thank You Beth!



  11. beth kery
    Comment
    11
      · March 1st, 2009 at 12:19 pm · Link

    Hi Lea! Yeah, I was a little surprised by the psychologist’s comments, but then again, not. I’ve seen so many relationships fail, and so many work. Sometimes the unlikely ones end up working better than anything.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!



  12. Blanche
    Comment
    12
      · March 1st, 2009 at 12:24 pm · Link

    Hi Beth!

    I don’t have personal experience with this but I’ve watched this happen with my younger sister. Actually she and he were both “on the rebound” when they got together. They have been happily married for 15 years now and still going strong! 😀

    I really do believe it depends on the individuals and the work and desire they put into the relationship as to whether or not that kind of situation will work!



  13. beth kery
    Comment
    13
      · March 1st, 2009 at 1:15 pm · Link

    I couldn’t agree more, Blanche. Relationships are as different and unique as the people that comprise them.

    Good for your sister! And thanks for stopping by 😀



  14. Carol L.
    Comment
    14
      · March 1st, 2009 at 3:02 pm · Link

    Hey Beth,
    I think when one relationship ends and depending on the circumstances you’re really not ready anyway to go out with someone else because of the hurt that’s still there.Or the anger. I think by the time you do get into another one, you’re ready to be with someone else. And like the Professor said, if we learn from the previous
    one I think there’s a great chance it can work. Does that make sense? 🙂
    Carol L.



  15. mindy
    Comment
    15
      · March 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm · Link

    i think they can be dangerous and both parties can get hurt but you never know thanks for the wonderful giveaway



  16. Cheryl K
    Comment
    16
      · March 1st, 2009 at 4:45 pm · Link

    Rebound has and hasn’t worked for me. My ex hubby was sort of a rebound and 10 years later we divorced. Current hubby was a rebound for him as I was the first relationship he had after his divorce. 12 years later we’re still very happy.



  17. beth kery
    Comment
    17
      · March 1st, 2009 at 5:03 pm · Link

    Carol–Hi! Very sound wisdom there. Yeah, I mean most people don’t say “you’re wounded, go get hurt more!” lol. I know I’m simplifying, but hopefully you know what I mean.

    Hey there, Mindy! Wow…’dangerous’ huh? Sounds like pretty volatile experiences. I’m very glad you dropped by to say hi.

    Cheryl, Huh….well…you are the living example of how it might or might not work. I’m just glad you are happy now. Experience does inform us, I think!

    Thanks, ladies!



  18. Sue
    Comment
    18
      · March 1st, 2009 at 6:03 pm · Link

    Hi Beth!

    Rebound hadnt always work for me. I believe that being with someone for all the wrong reason is not fair to that person and is destructful for me. Also, tying down that person in a relationship that based on false affections is guilt-inducing on my part.

    However, I will not disagree if a person on the rebound met someone and made the relationship work. Just because it did not work for me does not mean it will not work for them.



  19. Jane
    Comment
    19
      · March 1st, 2009 at 7:14 pm · Link

    I’ve seen some friends go through rebound relationships and it has always ended with a breakup. I personally have seen a rebound relationship work, but never say never.



  20. Barbara
    Comment
    20
      · March 1st, 2009 at 9:53 pm · Link

    I think a rebound relationship could definitely work. Obviously the last relationship wasn’t up to par if the couple parted ways. Even if the next relationship begins as a rebound no one knows what could happen. It could turn out to be ten times better than the last relationship. 😉



  21. Allison
    Comment
    21
      · March 1st, 2009 at 10:40 pm · Link

    hi Beth, interesting topic. I think rebound relationships have a bad rep unjustly. Good advice on what to bring to it to make them work. I think love/happiness can be found just about anywhere and anyhow.



  22. Blodeuedd
    Comment
    22
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 12:22 pm · Link

    Been there and done that, my rebound didn’t work, and I am glad it did cos then I went on and meeting someone special



  23. beth kery
    Comment
    23
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm · Link

    Sue and Blodeuedd,

    Well, there’s no doubt that it hasn’t worked for tons of reasons. We’re so raw after a break-up that it’s hard to gauge your true motivations for being swept off your feet.

    Hey there, Alison and Barbara! Yep, even though I believe what I wrote above, I do believe love knows no rules. It’ll pop up at the strangest times. lol.

    Thanks for stopping by, Jane. Yeah, it’s hard to pin down what exactly works when it comes to romance. Yeah, I’ve seen some pretty ugly rebound relationships, where you feel like you’re watching a train wreck from the distance. sigh.



  24. Billie Jo
    Comment
    24
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 pm · Link

    Hi Beth,

    I have been on the end of rebound love. In my case, it was fun for a bit until I realized that I was only fooling myself and didn’t really love the man I was with.

    I have friends who have found their man on the rebound.

    I think it is depends on the person. But most often it does not work out and can end badly.

    Billie Jo



  25. MarthaE
    Comment
    25
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm · Link

    Some might say I met my DH on the rebound. But I think it depends if the “reboundee” (is that a word?) was really broken hearted and vulnerable. I had broken up with my current beau during the day and our friends didn’t even know about it yet. (Ex said he would not agree that we could disagree on a subject and I said – Nope that won’t work). I met DH that same night and he asked me to marry him 4 days later!! i did ask him to wait a month to give me time. He always adds to that that about 20 days later I was saying “aren’t you going to ask me again!” That was 23 years ago.



  26. Lexee
    Comment
    26
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm · Link

    I’ve never had to deal with love on the rebound, or rebound relationships. Your book sounds really good.
    lexeetoste@sbcglobal.net



  27. beth kery
    Comment
    27
      · March 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm · Link

    Billie Jo–Hi! Yeah, well, the aphorism warns of the same. Like I said, I assume there’s a reason that a ‘saying’ is perpetuated! Thank you for dropping by.

    Martha–lol. Great point there. Who considers themself to be a rebounder or reboundee means a lot! I’m so glad it worked out well for the two of you. Thanks so much for sharing that story.

    Hey, there, Lexee! It’s an entertaining book, that’s for sure–regardless of ‘truths.’
    Thank you for stopping by my blog! Come anytime!







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